Chapter 14
"Sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll... take out the drugs and you've got more time for the other two."
- Steven Tyler
In late 1986, America had opted to eliminate rock 'n' roll to make room for sex and drugs. At the very least Aerosmith's signature brand of hard rock was not being opted for by America. Sales had fallen from the multi-platinum stratosphere to the barely making gold. Ticket sales for the Back In The Saddle reunion tour were lackluster. The Blue Army had gone AWOL and looked never to return.
Coming clean from heavy drug use and failed solo projects had sobered the members of Aerosmith to a heavy reality: no one cares about Aerosmith. The facts could not be denied or mislaid on other excuses: Aerosmith had faded into obscurity.
A proposition.
Realizing that he had used every ounce of talent to pen Dream On and Mama Kin over ten years previous and ruining what little talent that may have remained on his 200 dollar a day microphone stand scarf habbit, Steven Tyler called a meeting in January 1987. It was accepted by all of them that their money made in the 1970s had waned to nothingness in the drug habits and inter-band feuds. Tyler put forth this suggestion:
Instead of going after him, another heated discussion lasting an hour began. Was the Chinese place on the corner open and were they delivering at this hour? Bassist Tom Hamilton was notably silent adding later, "I'm pretty sure I was in the mood for pizza that night. Yeah, I had a pretty strong hankering for a slice. So the Chinese thing didn't really affect me." Whitford:
He'll be back. How many drummers can the average person even name? Keith Moon, Micky Dolenz...uh, shit...Bootsy Collins I think. Man, Ringo Starr left The Beatles during The White Album for like a month. They didn't even stop recording. We could plug in an 808 right now and split royalties four ways instead of five. Money in the bank.
Joe Perry: "What's he gonna do? Release a drummer solo album? I'd love to hear that. I hope he sings on it."
Tyler: "I'm taking bets right now. Ten to one odds Krame Dog calls me tomorrow morning."
Brad Whitford: "Hang up on his ass and tell him Neil Peart's on the other line."
Tyler: "Then I'll tell him that he's such a nobody that his wikipedia page needs an arrow to point out who he is."
Perry: "What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?"
This went on for about twenty minutes while Kramer, who had forgotten the keys to his 1978 Toyota Celica, sat outside the door crying through the entire ordeal. He waited another fifteen minutes for the drummer bashing to stop because he felt "an earlier entrance would have been even more embarassing."
Upon Kramer's return, the band voted unanimously to record mindnumbingly similar songs for eternity after consulting with AC/DC guitarist Angus Young that it was indeed possible to have a career doing this. It is believed that the genesis for this idea dates back to 1984 with "The Back In The Saddle Again Tour." It appears that not one fan noticed that eight years and four albums had passed since Back In The Saddle had been released. A further test was done with "Let The Music Do The Talking" from the reunion album Done With Mirrors which was a cover from Joe Perry's solo project: The Joe Perry Solo Project six years earlier. If both of these could escape fan and critic notice, what else?
What else indeed?
Since deciding on this plan, Aerosmith has gone from gold selling obscurity to multi-platinum sales again. The only time they have failed to have a platinum album was with the release of Honkin' On Bobo a collection of cover songs which deviated from their plan.
That Aerosmith should only play the same boring crap every time out? It is unlikely that they will continue their success without a return to the plan. Games like Revolution X don't just fall into the lap of every multi-platinum band.
- Steven Tyler
In late 1986, America had opted to eliminate rock 'n' roll to make room for sex and drugs. At the very least Aerosmith's signature brand of hard rock was not being opted for by America. Sales had fallen from the multi-platinum stratosphere to the barely making gold. Ticket sales for the Back In The Saddle reunion tour were lackluster. The Blue Army had gone AWOL and looked never to return.
Coming clean from heavy drug use and failed solo projects had sobered the members of Aerosmith to a heavy reality: no one cares about Aerosmith. The facts could not be denied or mislaid on other excuses: Aerosmith had faded into obscurity.
A proposition.
Realizing that he had used every ounce of talent to pen Dream On and Mama Kin over ten years previous and ruining what little talent that may have remained on his 200 dollar a day microphone stand scarf habbit, Steven Tyler called a meeting in January 1987. It was accepted by all of them that their money made in the 1970s had waned to nothingness in the drug habits and inter-band feuds. Tyler put forth this suggestion:
...instead of progressing musical, we just...I don't know...record a bunch of songs that sound pretty much the same. Wing a solo every now and then to trick people into thinking it's slightly different. I won't say much lyrically. We could knock out a few albums before anyone notices anyway as unpopular as we are.A heated discussion began. Was this idea possible? Brad Whitford remembered former openers AC/DC had been successful with this formula since the 1970s and no one noticed. The only hold out was Joey Kramer who stormed out of the meeting in tears stating that Aerosmith "means a little bit more to the fans, to me, than that."
Instead of going after him, another heated discussion lasting an hour began. Was the Chinese place on the corner open and were they delivering at this hour? Bassist Tom Hamilton was notably silent adding later, "I'm pretty sure I was in the mood for pizza that night. Yeah, I had a pretty strong hankering for a slice. So the Chinese thing didn't really affect me." Whitford:
Tom always wants a damn pizza. I swear that guy wants pizza all the damn time. Like, right now, it's 9:30 in the morning. If I called him right now, I swear he'd be eating a pizza. At 9:30 in the morning! I like pizza and all that, but Jesus dude! Have a bowl of cereal or something for breakfast. Waffles or something.Steven Tyler, regarding the walk out by Joey Kramer, said at the time:
He'll be back. How many drummers can the average person even name? Keith Moon, Micky Dolenz...uh, shit...Bootsy Collins I think. Man, Ringo Starr left The Beatles during The White Album for like a month. They didn't even stop recording. We could plug in an 808 right now and split royalties four ways instead of five. Money in the bank.
Joe Perry: "What's he gonna do? Release a drummer solo album? I'd love to hear that. I hope he sings on it."
Tyler: "I'm taking bets right now. Ten to one odds Krame Dog calls me tomorrow morning."
Brad Whitford: "Hang up on his ass and tell him Neil Peart's on the other line."
Tyler: "Then I'll tell him that he's such a nobody that his wikipedia page needs an arrow to point out who he is."
Perry: "What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?"
This went on for about twenty minutes while Kramer, who had forgotten the keys to his 1978 Toyota Celica, sat outside the door crying through the entire ordeal. He waited another fifteen minutes for the drummer bashing to stop because he felt "an earlier entrance would have been even more embarassing."
Upon Kramer's return, the band voted unanimously to record mindnumbingly similar songs for eternity after consulting with AC/DC guitarist Angus Young that it was indeed possible to have a career doing this. It is believed that the genesis for this idea dates back to 1984 with "The Back In The Saddle Again Tour." It appears that not one fan noticed that eight years and four albums had passed since Back In The Saddle had been released. A further test was done with "Let The Music Do The Talking" from the reunion album Done With Mirrors which was a cover from Joe Perry's solo project: The Joe Perry Solo Project six years earlier. If both of these could escape fan and critic notice, what else?
What else indeed?
Since deciding on this plan, Aerosmith has gone from gold selling obscurity to multi-platinum sales again. The only time they have failed to have a platinum album was with the release of Honkin' On Bobo a collection of cover songs which deviated from their plan.
That Aerosmith should only play the same boring crap every time out? It is unlikely that they will continue their success without a return to the plan. Games like Revolution X don't just fall into the lap of every multi-platinum band.
My broheim supreme, Steve-O. He ain't there every Thursday with Teddy and me because his girl Toni be nagging him about too many boy's night out or something. He's always got poker night at his place on Friday though. He puts his foot down for that. I guess he got to give up some Thursdays for Friday you know? I think Toni got him whipped which violates rule numero uno: bros before hos. Steve-O, you know you my bro for life though.